Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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