Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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