Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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