At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
