Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
