who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
