"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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