ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
