do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
