everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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