My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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