wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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