I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
