Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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