you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize