by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
