Farmville is her only friend.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
