Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
