You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How naked do you want me to be?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
