youre lurking in front of me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
