found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
