I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
