you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
