so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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