Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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