It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
