So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
