He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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