Who wears a wallet chain?!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
