Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
