Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
