Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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