Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
