I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
