shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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