I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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