it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
