you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
