Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize