Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
