Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
