I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
