I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
