my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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