Define "chronic" masturbator.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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