There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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