what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
