yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
