im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
