i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
