Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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