He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
