While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
