I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
