i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
