Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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