I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
