Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
