Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Houston, we have a squirter
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
