Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
