I got chris browned last night
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
