i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
