so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
