wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize