I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hippo gnu deer
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
