I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
