hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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