Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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