hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
