the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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