I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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