went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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